(Due to popular demand, I have posted an
Osama Joke Page.
Notice: not all the jokes on this page are "G" Rated.)
:^) ... LAWYER JOKES...... :^)
dog walked out of a bar, stumbling and reeking of booze. An officer saw
him and gave him the command to "Speak!". The dog replied, "Not without
my DUI attorney!"
Q: What's the difference between a San Diego attorney and the buffalo in the San Diego Zoo? A: The San Diego attorney charges more!
man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a
double whiskey. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his
pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some
time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that
he's had enough. The bartender said, "I've to go ask you, what's the
the pocket business?" The man replied, "I have my DUI attorney's
picture in there. When I forget how much I paid him when I got a DUI,
it's time to call a cab!"
Real questions taken from the San Diego court records: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in their sleep, in most cases they just pass quietly away and don't know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." Q: Did he kill you?
Where you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
A San Diego attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Home, I'd like to strike the next question."
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Huntington at San Diego Hospital? A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 PM Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct? A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his San Diego employer went to an attorney seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. But his attorney told him, "Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the attorney was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.