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TALIBAN GETS A PHONE CALL (FUNNY)

From D.M. Carr

Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned
about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about
the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently
reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the
answer.

"You will die on an American holiday."

"Which one?" Osama bin Laden asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever
>you die, it will be an American holiday!"

Osama Bin Laden phoned President George W. Bush.

"I had a dream about the United States," he said. "I could see the whole
country, and over every building and home was a banner," said Bin Laden.

"What was on the banner?" asked Mr. Bush.

"LONG LIVE OSAMA!" answered the terrorist.

"I am so glad that you called," said President Bush, "because I too had
a dream. In my dream, I saw Afghanistan and it was more beautiful than
ever; totally rebuilt with many tall, gleaming office buildings, large
residential subdivisions with swimming pools full of men and women; and over
everybuilding and home was a big, beautiful banner.

"What did the banner say?" asked Osama.

"I don't know," answered President Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."

MORAL QUESTION for the day:

Please note that this is an imaginary situation, but I think it is
interesting to decide what one would do.

Here is the situation:

You are in the Middle East and there is a huge flood in progress.
Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed.

Let's say that you're a photographer and getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for
particularly poignant scenes.

You happen to come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is
barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under. You can either put down your camera and save
him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.

So, here is the question and think carefully before you answer the question below:

Which lens and shutter speed would you use?

This is the best idea I've heard so far as to what we
should do with Osama Bin Laden...

Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner
will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the CIA, Navy Seals, Green Beret's, or anyone else covertly
capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital, and have surgeons
quickly perform a complete sex change operation.
Then we return 'her' to Afghanistan to live
as a woman under the Taliban.

It is God's responsibility to forgive Osama Ben Laden...

It is our responsibility to arrainge the meeting !

A moral dilema:

This is an imaginary situation, but I think you will find it beneficial
to think through this exercise.

The situation: You are in the Middle East,
and there is a huge flood in progress.
Many homes have been lost, water supplies
compromised and structures destroyed.
You're a freelance photographer for a
news service, you're traveling alone,
looking for particularly poignant scenes
that you can shoot.

You come across Osama Bin Laden who
has been swept away by the floodwaters.
He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and
is about to go under.

You have to make a choice. You can
either put down your camera and save
him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning
photograph of him as he loses his grip
on the limb.
So, here's the question...and think
carefully before you answer it:
Which lens would you use?

At a hastily called press conference this morning, Taliban Minister of
Emigration, Mohammed Ben Dover, warned the United States that if any further
military action was taken against Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not
hesitate to cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and General Custer have in
common?
A: They wanted to know where the hell all of those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What do Afghanistan and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Osama Bin Laden phoned President George W. Bush.

"I had a dream about the United States," he said. "I could see the whole
country, and over every building and home was a banner," said Bin Laden.

"What was on the banner?" asked Mr. Bush.

"LONG LIVE OSAMA!" answered the terrorist.

"What did the banner say?" asked Osama.

"I don't know," answered President Bush, "I can't read Hebrew."

Bring on the Women

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks,
outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac,
hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of
Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.

Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping
and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.

We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd
like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are
single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being
struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.

We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet
in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the
hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!

We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting
events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.

Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned
the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years
... we understand tribal warfare.

Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide,
launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we
know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!

Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with
hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.

I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!